New Year’s Meme
1. 10 things you did this year:
- Graduated from college :)
- Was a bridesmaid in my sorority sister’s wedding and caught the bouquet (yikes).
- Performed an aria in Czech accompanied by an 80-piece orchestra for Maestro Lorin Maazel
- Got cast in my first opera role: First Lady in Mozart’s The Magic Flute
- Moved to a kickass apartment in Chicago
- Auditioned for and got into grad school
- Started grad school (p.s. I love it)
- Got a job in a shoe store (p.s. I don’t love it)
- Visited New York for the first time
- Saw La Boheme at the Met and cried 2
2. 6 photos of memories from the last year
(See pics)
3. Your New Year’s Plans
Was planning on going to a party with one of my girlfriends but she got the stomach flu. So I took it as a sign to stay in. I’m spending the night drinking Purple Haze beer and watching Inception
4. A letter to a person you grew apart from this year
******, It’s pretty obvious that we’ve grown apart during the last year or so. It isn’t the first time in the eight years that we’ve been friends that this has happened. In the past, even though we’ve lost touch, we’ve always managed to find our way back to each other. It was never the distance that made it hard for us. In fact, it wasn’t until you moved away that we first really connected and started to get to know each other. From the beginning, I knew that our relationship was special. I never clicked with anybody, even my best friend of 15 years, the way I did with you. I shared things with you that I never shared with ANYONE and I know that it was the same with you as well. There were times when I didn’t go one day without talking to you. When something great or terrible or hilarious happened you were the first person I told, whether it was through phone, IM, or text. Even though we were miles apart, we were still inseparable and I always felt like you were with me.
When it comes to my friends, the people I love, I will do ANYTHING to make sure that they’re happy; that they’re safe; that they’re ok. You’ve faced a lot of hardship early on in your life and I watched to deal with a lot of struggle and hurt. I cared about you so much that whenever I saw you hurting, I couldn’t help but feel that pain as well. I remember having anxiety and losing sleep over all of the shit life threw at you. I remember that time when you cried yourself to sleep with me holding you when you felt you were being abandoned by your loved ones. From that moment on I made it my job to take care of you and help you in every way that I could, in every way that a naïve and clueless teenager could. I thought that if I could fix your problems, if I could save you, then everything would be ok.
So I did that. In every way I could. I supported you in ways that I’ve never done for any other person I know. I offered you a home and money, I lied for you, I subjected myself to verbal abuse from your one-time boyfriend for you, I did everything I possibly could for you, and from what I could tell, you seemed grateful. Slowly, things seemed to get better for you. Sure things weren’t perfect but you seemed happy, and even though you weren’t leading exactly the life I wanted for you, I was happy for you.
Somewhere along the line, within the last year or two, things changed between us. Even though our means of communication have never been what others would call “conventional”, we still managed to maintain a strong friendship. Lately though, I feel like our relationship has become one-sided and almost superficial. The last time we spoke on the phone was over a year ago when I called you on Christmas Eve to wish you a Merry Christmas and to see that you were doing ok. I kept waiting, for over a year, to see if you would call me to say hi or to catch up or to see how I was doing but you never did. All of our contact and “conversations” over the past year have been limited to 140 characters or less. Now I’m beginning to wonder if all the love and support and work I put into our friendship over the years was always this one-sided. Knowing that you had a tough life and were dealing with a lot, I made excuses for you, thinking that you couldn’t always be there for me like I was for you because you had it so tough. But I said to myself, someday she’ll be ok and she’ll have money and be living on her own, not having to depend on manipulative and psychotic men and be independent. And when we both got to that place in our lives everything would be ok and she’d be there for me as much as I’ve tried to be there for her. And thankfully, things have changed. We’re not scared kids anymore. We’re both adults, living and working in the real world dealing with the same problems, on an equal playing field. You can now be your own person and be the best friend that I thought you could one day be. Clearly I was wrong.
You don’t care to know what I’m doing, how I’m feeling, what’s going on in my life. I was so ecstatic when I finally got accepted into grad school at Northwestern, after dealing with the difficult rejection from other schools and dealing with uncertainty about my future (a feeling that I think you, more than anyone should be very familiar with). All I wanted to hear from my best friend was a “congratulations” and an “I’m proud of you”. Instead, all I got was a tweet that said, “So I guess this means you’re not moving back home”, and nothing more. Lately it seems like, if it doesn’t have anything to do with you, then you don’t care. I’ve given up trying to be your friend, curious to see if you’ll pick up the slack. You haven’t. You said you wanted to see me while I was down but you never called, I assume because you expect me to; to make the effort, to make the call, to make the drive. I purposely waited for you to make that move for the 3 weeks that I’ve been home. You haven’t.
I really want to be clear that this letter isn’t written with hatred or anger. If anything it’s out of regret. I’d love to be your friend still but I’ve accepted not being one. It’s become pretty clear that you don’t need me or want me in your life but enjoy my presence when it’s convenient for you. I don’t know if you’ll read this or not and I’m at a place now where I’m ok with you not reading it, not knowing how I feel. I’ve kind of buried this friendship already. Now I guess it’s up to you if you want to resurrect it. No matter what I still care about you and always wish the best for you and celebrate your successes (even if it’s not with you). I’m always available to talk. My phone is still constantly glued to my side. If this is it, then I truly wish you all the best.
Love, Kel
5. A photo of yourself from the start of the start of the last year
See photo
6. A list of what you want to change in the new year
- I want to become a better performer.
- I want to lose this weight once and for all
- I want to change the way I look at people, try to see the good in them more.
7. 5 people who you got really close to
- Casey
- Bill
- Connor
- Jess
- Micah
8. Your resolution
To lose the weight so that Alice will make good on her promise to take me to Italy once I reach my goal.
*Note: I don’t usually get into surveys like this but I was bored and this sort of opened the floodgates. I’m really glad I did though. I had forgotten what an epic year 2010. I really didn’t plan on #4 being so long and detailed but, like I said, floodgates. I hope everyone had a fun, safe, and cathartic New Year.
xox
